An insignificant dream !

We last spoke of Helena (05/ 18), the mother of two children. She had just learnt she was pregnant and  was left facing a painful dilemma : Would she keep her baby or abort ?  She incubated a dream but it did not tell her what she should do. However it advised her to look within herself to discover what she really wanted. 

And so Helena is still tormented. 

Knowing how trying this situation is for her, I phone her to see how she is doing.

 - Helena, how are you?

- I have unbelievable headaches, nausea and I’m exhausted.

- Did you see the doctor as planned?

- No, my gynecologist won’t be there till next week and the G.P. is away.

- Did you get a dream?

- Pff! I don’t know what, it was something hazy. Wof !  A thing, almost nothing, I’ve half forgotten anyway.

As for me, I’m not offended, her reaction illustrates the general attitude towards dreams in France.I reply :

- It doesn’t matter Helena. If you want, we can look at the dream. Tell me what you remember of it. 

Dream

I was with a guy, a young man.  I found him attractive.  We walked side by side on the street.  I was trying to get closer to him, but he wasn’t responding.

Interpretation    

I proceed methodically with the interview technique :

A young man

I ask her the usual question :

- Helena, what is a young man?

- It’s a dynamic man, full of ambition who wants to make his life a success.

- How does a young man live?

- He’s not responsible for a family yet and he can live all kinds of experiences.

I recapitulate the description and establish the link with her daily life :

- So, at this time, what does a dynamic person, who wants to live all kinds of experiences and not be responsible for a family, remind you of?

- Oh!  Ha! Well, it’s me, who would like to live differently and that’s why I’m hesitating to keep the baby.

So then, according to Helena’s own associations, the young man represents the side of Helena, who doesn’t want to have the baby.

Let’ us see further:

I found him attractive. 

The young woman is attracted, tempted to adopt the young man’s attitude, refusing the responsibility to take care of a third child.

Now the dream considers what would happen, if Helena chose to live like the young man.

We are walking side by side on the street

- What is a street ?

- The street  is where everyday life takes place, answers Helena

- What is that street like?

- It’s small, it’s dark.

- So, it describes a dark little everyday life.

 I try to get more details and ask :

- Could you give the name of this street ?

- Euh…Evylod street.

- Evylod ? Sounds like a pun, a play on words, they are frequent in dreams. Tell me, Helena, do you hear something in Evylod ?

- …Yes,… I hear heavy, … and lod, load ! Oh ! Evylod sounds like… “heavy load”.  My God, Helena cries out, that’s what I thought. This decision would be a heavy load to carry.  I would be haunted by the idea that I could have kept the baby.

A few seconds of emotion.

Then I continue exploring the images and ask :

- In what city is this street located ?

- In the city I lived in, when I was a teenager, answers Helena. I don’t feel like going back there.

All of a sudden Helena flares up:

- At that time I was completely immature, I went out, I was partying all the time, I was irresponsible.  I screwed around a lot, I drank and smoked pot, it was “anything goes”!  I don’t ever want to live like that again.

I am astounded and tell her :

- Helena, did you hear what you just said ?

No, when the dreamer describes an element of her dream, she doesn’t realize what she’s saying, so it’s up to me to recapitulate her comments so that she will become aware.

- Listen Helena, I will recapitulate what you’ve said :

If you decide to abort (walking with the young man)

- you will end up in a small, dark life (street)

- also bearing a heavy remorse (heavy load).

This would be the price to pay, because you preferred to go out, party and have affairs. 

But you say you don’t want that kind of life anymore, so what does it mean ?

Helena is silent, she thinks, she tries to find an answer and finally mumbles :

- So, hum,… it means that I don’t want to find myself in the same situation as before and so… that I don’t want to go with that young man…  And so…

But, that means… that means …that means I want to keep the child... …

I WANT TO KEEP THE CHILD the mother cries out !

 She continues :

- Ho, it’s unreal!  That’s what I felt, I’ve always wanted a third child but I was lost.

The voice of the young woman is trembling and I am also teary eyed.

The following dream images barely necessitate an interpretation.

I was trying to get closer to him, but he wasn’t responding.

The side of Helena who would like to experience all kinds of pleasures and activities in the outside world can’t be matched with the one who is pregnant. Helena can’t cumulate these two facets of herself simultaneously.  It’s one or the other.

Commentary

This young man is the opposite image of Sarkosy’s son, who appeared in her preceding dream.  Through these different images we become aware that our inner world is made up of opposites.  In Helena’s case, at this time, the opposites are

- on the one hand : discipline, effort, work

- and on the other hand : an easy life, pleasure and irresponsibility.

Now Helena has chosen.

We are both profoundly touched, filled with immense gratitude and marvel in regards to the dream.

Such an insignificant little dream, so unimpressive that the dreamer didn’t even want to look at it.

This benevolent dream made Helena aware of what she deeply wanted. Here again the dream doesn’t show her what she should do, it merely shows her the consequences of her choice. Then it’s up to her to draw her own conclusion and make her own choice.

And Helena chose lightheartedly.

Illustrations

I thank the artists for their illustrations listed in the order of their presentation:

Ill : blogjump.eu

“Rêve oublié”, “Forgotten Dream” by Colbrak : fotocommunity.fr

A young man : Alex Pettyfer : actu-people.staragora.com

“As a child’s dream”, by the photograph Peter Zulnik

Heavy remorse : Ici.tf1.fr

Smoking : newcourriercasablanca.com

Love affair : actu-people.staragora.com

Tendresse, painting by the French artist Anne Marie Volodos : http://mapage.noos.fr/anne-marie.volodos  

Hand in hand : babynewhome.com

You find this study on the French Blog on 05 22 2007 

As you have seen in the preceding text, seeking advice from one’s dreams has been a universal practice. With Irina’s dreams I have given you examples of answers given by dreams. However it happens sometimes that the answer is ambiguous or that the dream gives no answer at all.

This is what happened to Helena. Here is the dream she received last week. Helena will soon be turning forty, she is a mother and since a few days she knows she is pregnant. She is wondering whether she’ll keep the baby or not. She wants to and she doesn’t want to.

On the one hand she feels a motherly desire, she loves children and family.

But on the other hand she feels like a woman who, arriving at mid-life, would like to realize another type of project in view of self-realization. She feels like going out, living for herself a bit, finding new, pleasant activities and meeting friends.

She is torn between accepting this pregnancy or not.

Once it is yes, and then it is no.

 She is tormented and decides to ask her dream if she should keep the baby or not.

 A very serious question, an oppressive task for the interpreter…….courageous. Let us see the dream.

Sarkozy’s son   

I have a son, his father is Sarkozy, the president of France. My son is a young man, strong and sturdy, very interesting and very reasonable.

Between us there is a great understanding and a respectful complicity.

He asks me if I have accomplished what I wanted in my life.

I answer :

- No, it’s not easy. I add that it’s never too late and that maybe I…

He smiles at me and tells me that I can share my thoughts with him.

I feel great strength, a real support emanating from him.  I wake up feeling happy.

Interpretation

Here are Helena’s answers during the interview.

I have a strong, sturdy, interesting and reasonable son. 

Helena doesn’t have such a son in reality, so this one represents a strength, a way to assert oneself that she has developed over the years.  She possesses the qualities underlined by the dream.

He is Sarkozy’s son      

It would be ridiculous, absurd to think that Helena fantasizes about the President, no, the dream indicates that this inner strength was the result of adopting the same values as him, as a way of living.

About Sarkozy

We are talking about Helena’s Sarkozy, of the personal image that she has of this man. This is not political, it concerns an interior dynamism of hers. So we must ask her the “interview” question :

- Helena, what is Sarkozy for you, what is he like?                                                      

- I love what Sarkozy says, we share the same values : order, work. I appreciate the fact he wants to sanction the trouble makers. I love his strength and his humanity, he has the courage to say out loud what others think but never express.

So this description defines an aspect of Helena’s nature which has common points with Sarkozy, as she sees him.

He asks me if I have accomplished what I wanted in my life.

Crucial question ! By this the dream asks the young woman to question herself on the meaning of her life and to take stock of it. Following this she could look inside and decide whether or not she will keep the baby.

I answer no, it’s not easy.  I add that it’s never too late and that maybe I…

Helena doesn’t complete her sentence, she keeps the rest to herself. This attitude shows that there are aspects in her that she doesn’t want to admit to herself, that she doesn’t want to look at.

 My son smiles at me and tells me that I can share my thoughts with him.

This strength which is part of her and also larger than her invites her to be authentic, to do like his father Sarkozy, to “have the courage to say out loud what others think but don’t express.”

What is the dream doing?  It’s asking her to dare to be truly herself.                    

Is that a direct answer to her question? 

No, the dream doesn’t answer, it leaves Helena with her own decision, it allows her the freedom of choice.  The answer concerning the decision of keeping the baby or not will spring up when she dares to be herself.

I feel great strength, a real support emanating from him.

The dream shows that, whatever the solution, Helena will have the needed strength to face up to it.

I wake up feeling happy.

She feels happy because now she knows that she is free, that whatever the outcome she will live as she wants because she knows that this inner strength will not fail her.

Conclusion

So this dream is an example of the limits of incubation.  Yes, the unconscious is benevolent but we must not expect everything from it.  We must exercise our own judgment, our will power and our freedom. If we asked the unconscious to dictate our behavior, we would be like machines. To expect all the answers from our dreams would be infantile abdication of our responsibility for our own life.  The unconscious guides us toward our independence, it encourages us to exercise our freedom of choice and to live the experiences that our choices have brought forth. Practicing incubation profusely won’t lead to maturity, on the contrary.

Illustrations

I thank the  French artist Mrs Anne Marie Volodos who permits me to illustrate our blog with her paintings.

http://mapage.noos.fr/anne-marie.volodos

Clotho :

Lachesis

Penelope

Jason Lewis : Tecmix.aufeminin. com

Sarkozy : backchich.info

Jason Lewis : instyle.com

Jason Lewis : people.plurielles.fr

Le grand Bleu by Mme Anne Marie Volodos